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Congratulations! You, my dear, have made it through another week. For some of you, this one week contained quite a few red letter days, sending your little ones off to school for the very first time, or starting a new job or project at work. And for most of us, whatever the day had in store, we started it with a warm cup of coffee.
I’ve been waking before 5:00 these past couple of weeks, as if an internal alarm clock has been reset. In fact, it wasn’t very long ago that I was waking up feeling exhausted, even before the day began. The coffee pot couldn’t work her magic quickly enough for my tired body. My yawns were most certainly a cry, pleading for the gurgling appliance to quicken her pace. In those moments, I would drift off into a daydream of somehow training my cat to keep a freshly brewed pot of coffee warm and ready to be poured at any given point throughout the day. Why not just program the pot of coffee *before* I needed to wake? Excellent question. I ask myself the same thing while waiting with an empty coffee cup every morning.
And then, something clicked. This new little project started to beam and bounce and jump on my bed waking me up before even the cat woke. Surrounded by papers, books and notes that I typically fall asleep writing, this little project has brought about enthusiasm enough to quiet those yawns, and brew the coffee while I’m deep in thought somewhere else.
I am still fueled by these precious little beans, and yes, I do still send out a silent cry for coffee now and again, but isn’t it wonderful when you find that your passion for something is brewing something wonderful all on her own?
Besides coffee, what fuels you?
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Hmm. What fuels me? Well, I’ve been going through a lot of stress recently- massive pipeline threatening my house, broken water heater, transmission out on my car, etc. It’s been rough.
I guess the fight for my family’s physical, mental, and financial well-being has stirred up a massive amount of passion, but it’s not feeling like a rewarding or positive pursuit. It’s feeling like a massive, scary, life-threatening (and/or quality of life-threatening) fight. It’s been hard for me to get away from it, to put it aside, to compartmentalize. It’s caused near constant anxiety like I’ve never experienced before in my life.
Last night the car was finally fixed, I was taking a night off from fighting the good fight, and my husband and I decided to take the kids out to dinner near the repair place. We just sat as a family, no pipeline talk, to jumping up to start the dishes, no worrying about food on the floor. It was great. It was like a reset/refresh button had been switched (at least until we got back home, the kids were in bed, and we made the mistake of addressing all the missed pipeline-related FB posts and emails).
You are constantly on my mind. When the basic foundation of our needs aren’t being met, or are at risk, there is very little room for anything else. It’s consuming, exhausting and sometimes it feels fruitless.
The passion that you have exhibited, the resources and information that you have prepared and shared with everyone is practically palpable. Sure, our kids are little and we need to take those “broken down car” moments and make the most of them for their sake, as well as our own, but the example of what you and your husband are standing together and fighting for, is beautiful. In this moment of complete and utter ugliness- you two and the passion that is driving you into action is beautiful.
I don’t think God punishes us or brings about terrible circumstances just for the fun of it, but I do think that He places the people that He needs to deliver a message at the right place at the right time. To us it feels like a complete crap-fest and that everything is falling apart, but there’s always a nugget of honesty, wisdom, hope, faith and love to share- and whether or not you feel like that’s what you are doing, YOU are, Court.