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I firmly believe that books are doorways into other people’s lives, allowing us to build and strengthen our empathy and understanding capacity. That’s why, last month, when we were unexpectedly ushered into the small VIP room two weeks ago to meet Oprah, my Fitbit tracked a spike in my heart rate. Also, someone cut the circuit connecting my brain to my vocal cords. Since the mid-nineties, when I was in high school, Oprah was my personal book recommender, and the words and worlds from the authors she shared with us have lived in my heart and soul for decades. Even now, maybe even especially now, they are still shaping who I am. (By the way, this is not sponsored by OprahDaily, WeightWatchers, or any other partners – I just like sharing amazing things and opportunities for personal growth and connection.)
What would you say if you had a few moments to speak privately with Oprah? I was a jumble of nerves with slippery fingers trying to grasp a string of coherent words, but I hoped the words resembled something in the shape of gratitude.
When I first signed up for OprahDaily a few years ago, I never once thought it would lead to a chance to speak with her, let alone once on screen and then again two years later in a VIP room after being in the live studio audience for a live stream/recording. For years, I subscribed to O Magazine. I’d take the pages of inspiration quotes with perforated lines and put them on my bulletin board. I’d devour the books she shared.
Eckhart Tolle changed how I handled my own thoughts. Ellie Weisel taught me about the danger of indifference. Toni Morrison, Maya Angelou, Brene Brown, Elizabeth Gilbert, Cheryl Strayed, Glennon Doyle, and Martha Beck pump through my veins.
How was I supposed to sum up that impact in the brief moments we were about to share?
I would have been more calm, cool, and collected had I not just been ripped open and vulnerable in the previous hours. Three straight hours of interviews and discussion, all being live-streamed and recorded, on a topic I had struggled with for years but had not yet shared with others. Sentence after sentence, speaker after speaker – each one felt like they were speaking directly to me. They knew my story intimately and shared the struggle of self-worth, body image, and having a body wired a little differently than “eat less, move more.”
At one point during the evening, she said, “You are here for a reason.” And I wholeheartedly believe it. I think you’d be hard-pressed to find someone who didn’t feel waves of emotion from the conversation. So, how did I wind up in the audience and meet Oprah afterward?
It went something like this….
Eyes widen, “Ooo… @OprahDaily sent me a DM!”
OD: “We’re extending an invite to our Oprah Daily Insiders – would you and a guest like to join us live in the audience?”
Me: My body jolted excitedly, and my insides screamed, “YES!”
I scrolled down, searching for the show’s topic.
“Please be a book talk; please be a book talk, please be a… [stomach drops] Oh. It’s about weight.” I didn’t need a mirror to know my cheeks flushed several shades of red.
“Did they notice?” Gulp. In the two years since I was on the live stream with Oprah for “The Life You Want” Class, my world has taken a few flips, and stress has been using my body like a pinata. My body’s response, seemingly overnight, was, “You need a few layers of bubble wrap to help with the hits – hang on, let me puff you up a bit.” And so it did.
I have accepted the body I am in and the way that I wear stress. It happened once before when my (now ex) husband deployed, so I try to be kinder with my internal dialogue than I was in the past. But… it is hard. My body doesn’t respond to “eat less, move more” in the same way that others do, like my eyes/brain being unable to interpret depth perception or the genes in my DNA that make up my red hair. We’re all wired just a little differently.
For a moment, I hesitated at the invitation. If I went, would others look at me through a filter of analyzing where they thought I was on my weight journey? The show is about my Achilles heel: judgment based on appearance. A crooked smile, a lazy eye, an overabundance of “stored energy,” and barely anything that fits me anymore. Oof. Was I ready to unpack it all… with cameras all around??
My discomfort gave me my answer.
Yes.
You cannot have growth without vulnerability, and vulnerability is uncomfortable. As for me? I’m ready for growth, so I settled into the discomfort to learn what it was there to teach me.
In preparation for the event, we were to download a journal (get yours free here) and complete the first few prompts. For as long as I can remember, I’d answer the questions and prods that Oprah would share. Whether in her magazine, emailed surveys, or journals, they always proved thought-provoking and gave insight. And this time was no different. I imagined sitting with her as she leaned in to ask the question.
“Describe the last time you felt beautiful and confident about your body.”
I didn’t like the answer that showed up, my pen sensing the hesitation and hovering above the page, too afraid to put it down onto paper.
“Never. I don’t ever remember feeling beautiful or confident in my body.”
My head tells me that’s ridiculous and that beauty is subjective and blah blah blah. But my heart knew the honest answer, and it ached. It ached because I felt sad for the parts of me who have never felt that and also because I knew that I wasn’t alone. So, I shared my answer to my Instagram stories — not to hear others praise and compliment me, but because I knew it would resonate with at least one other person, if not many others. And the messages started coming in from women I love and admire and find so incredibly beautiful. If we can see it in others so easily, why is it so difficult to see it in ourselves? Why is acceptance of ourselves the last bit of the puzzle to find peace?
From the moment I first shared that story, my insecurities followed me… but I suppose that is nothing new. They are always there lurking. I had only a couple of days to deal with them and find some sort of acceptance before I settled into my seat in the audience. I struggled with what to wear; my resources were already stretched threadbare, and I couldn’t splurge on something new. The night before, my fingers pushed hangers around in my closet, hoping I’d magically find something brightly colored without patterns, as requested by the team at Oprah Daily. Brightly colored? This redhead has spent decades trying to blend into the background, not stand out. I made do with the limited options of what still fits me and hoped for the best.
The next day, as my friend and I waited for our escort (the ever-so-cheerful and sweet-as-pie Mandie), we watched a colorful wave of beautiful women continuously lapping at the revolving lobby doors. One after another, beautiful and artfully crafted women made their way up the escalator. I kept waiting for someone to say there was a mistake and I wasn’t supposed to be there, pointing out my scuffed-up shoes and the small hole I couldn’t patch in my mustard-colored cardigan. It’s happened before, this tugging of “Why me? I don’t belong here” when I find myself amid the amazingly good things. I feel like a weed in a well-curated garden just waiting to be yanked out and discarded.
I tried to lean into my weed-like ways and relabel myself as a wildflower.
“This is about not judging appearances. This is about not judging appearances. This is about not judging appearances.” I repeated it to myself in my head over and over again, trying to shove my insecurities into the coat check.
I wanted to be as present as possible for all of it, the introductions to the other bright and smiling Oprah Daily Insiders and audience members before being called to our seats. I tried to take the moment in as the countdown to the stream began. I could spy Oprah outside the studio, awaiting her moment of entrance, and I wondered what it must feel like to step into a room full of people who were that excited to see you. What does it feel like to enter a room and feel the vibration of elevated heart rates because you are there?
And then it began. I tried to soak up every statistic and message shared. I nodded with empathy and understanding, forgetting the cameras were all around us. For three straight hours, it felt like a group therapy session, with us witnessing others’ pain and sitting with our own.
My biggest takeaway at the show’s end was the desperate need to lay down judgments. Judgment has the potential to suffocate and snuff out one another’s flame – including our own. It is at the root of hateful and harmful behaviors. And, as I write this during Pride Month, it hits so close to home that I nearly broke into sobs in the middle of the show. It’s this lack of respect and acceptance for people living in their bodies and making decisions with their doctors that have put so many lives at risk. And for what? Why the judgment and hate? There is no cookie-cutter way to get through life. There is no single path for all of us: no perfect weight, body type, or gender presentation. We are all finding our footing to achieve authenticity. At least, shouldn’t that be the goal?
I have so much more to say about all of this, and I have books and product recommendations (MagaBabe) to share, but for now, watch the talk and crack open the door of discussion on this very important topic. Listening and hearing one another’s pain, acknowledging our own, and identifying ways to grow are the only ways to live in a more authentic, accepting world without judgment.
In the meantime, thank you, Oprah, WeightWatchers, @oprahdaily, for this experience and all that stems from it. Onward!
Participants of
Weight Watchers + Oprah
Making the Shift: A new way to think about weight
Sima Sistani
CEO of WeightWatchers
Katie Sturino
Founder of MEGABABE, Author of Body Talk, Body Acceptance Advocate
Rebel Wilson
Actor, Writer, Director
Busy Philipps
New York Times best-selling author, actor, activist and writer
Tressie McMillan Cottom
New York Times Columnist and Professor at UNC Chapel Hill
Jamie Kern Lima
New York Times bestselling author of WORTHY and Founder of IT Cosmetics
Dr. Rachel Goldman
Licensed Psychologist and Expert in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy
Amber Riley
Actress & Singer
Jen Hatmaker
New York Times bestselling author
Dr. Ania Jastreboff, MD, PhD
Associate Professor at Yale School of Medicine, Director of Yale Obesity Research Center, and Co-Director of the Yale Center for Weight Management
Marisa Meltzer
Author of This is Big: How the Founder of WeightWatchers Changed the World (and Me)
**This is not sponsored by OprahDaily, WeightWatchers, or any other partners – I just like sharing amazing things and opportunities for personal growth and connection.
