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Valentine’s Day was nearly unbearably painful for quite a while, falling just around the date when my ex-husband left me. It was an anniversary of a profound loss, and everyone around me seemed to celebrate what I had just been deprived of. Love. Each pink heart and red candy box splashed across the screen delivered a pang of loneliness, reminding me of what I thought I had for so long but didn’t actually have at all.
I held tightly to hope for far too long. Then I tried to “make peace” with the loneliness. And I did. I reclaimed many of the places that broke my heart and explored interests and desires that were mine and mine alone. It was a good and healing journey. I thought, “I don’t need anyone else. I can and will live a solid and fulfilling life just as I am,” which was true. I could do that. But it took years before I even asked myself if that was what I wanted. My answer was a quiet whispering in my soul, but I couldn’t deny its existence. A solo-flying life was not what I wanted. There was a tugging, a pull, a force – someone else was out there, and I felt it just as strongly as one feels the sunshine on your face, even with your eyes closed. And so I decided to open my eyes and begin looking for it. Only warmth and sunshine and a profound connection. Nothing less
Finding the “just right” is not always easy, especially when you have to convince your heart that it is worth the risk of getting hurt again (and it is). But I tried.
There were some good dates. A rare few turned into friendships I still hold dear. Other dates were far less than spectacular. And a handful of dates were worth a call to my best friend immediately afterward to laugh about on the drive home. Each time, whether good or less than good, I’d say, “Well, I’m just getting closer.” And I was.
They say that you find what you’re looking for when you stop looking. I don’t know if that is necessarily true, but when the pandemic started and there was no way possible to “meet someone,” I was just looking for good conversation on a dating app. And I found it. At the other end of the conversation, I found him, my second chance. He is warmth and sunshine and profound connection, all wrapped up in someone who made the tugging and pulling come to a halt. He was too important to rush and arrived right on time – when I was ready.
I want to remind you that your second chance (or first, third, or whatever) is possible. If you feel the tug or the pulling at your heart, they are out there. I believe it with my whole heart. Sometimes it takes a long while for the timing to be right and for you to cross paths, but they exist. Right now, they, too, are out there, knowing that something is missing – that someone is missing. They just don’t know who yet. Give it time and trust the journey because… this is too important to rush. And when you find it, it will be worth the wait.
*This post originally appeared on my Instagram account. Follow me at @KellySchwark for more updates and insights!
